As a freshman in high school, I learned the names of top-tier schools that seemed impossible to get into. As a sophomore, I joined the race at school-club fairs to find extracurriculars I loved. As a junior, I loaded up on AP Classes with the rest of my grade and somehow survived never-ending nights and arduous tests. Now as a senior, I am witnessing a pandemic that not a soul asked for, and I’m currently facing a college admissions process that seems more mysterious than ever. And let me just say: my anxiety has reached a definite peak. It is easy to feel isolated in this process when you are not going to school everyday and are distanced from people who are facing the same struggles. So here are some journal-like entries of me ranting, to help you feel not so alone.Somehow I found a way to blame myself for the test centers closing. Self-doubt swarmed my head…I should have registered for earlier dates; I should have practiced more the first time I took the SAT so that I wouldn’t feel the need to take it again; Students with an SAT score have an inherent advantage even at test-optional schools. It took awhile for me to remember that the spring of my junior year is a perfectly reasonable time to take standardized tests, and that I never could have predicted COVID-19 to change the world in a blink of an eye. I registered for the October SAT (naturally), but I am almost 100% sure that I will get yet another upsetting email from the College Board. I’ve long left hopes of taking SAT Subject Tests in the dust. My motivation to study and practice for the SAT has been extinguished because I’d much rather put time into things I am passionate about than studying for a test that is probably never going to take place.I have been looking forward to my senior year of high school for a decade. But now, even an in-person high school graduation is not guaranteed. All the things that make this year memorable, (prom, our senior cruise, award ceremonies, and senior breakfasts) may never take place. COVID-19 also took a lot away from my extracurriculars, particularly in regards to my experiences with BPA. BPA, also known as Business Professionals of America, is a career technical service organization (CTSO) that helps prepare high school and college students for the business and tech related careers. After countless hours of researching, writing, and practicing, I managed to place first for both of my events at this year’s BPA states. This meant I qualified for the national conference, which was an opportunity to go to Washington D.C. for five days with a talented team and some close friends. But of course, Corona came along, and BPA nationals were cancelled. A potential national championship, a myriad priceless memories, and the opportunity to represent Massachusetts at the national level as a state officer were gone...just like that.