Families face tough choices when acceptance and rejection letters arrive. Rejection letters, expensive tuition, wait lists and an absence of acceptance letters are some of the toughest situations for parents and students. As an educator, what options can you offer to students when they can't attend their top school?
Help to Handle the Rejection
It's important to remind the student that the rejection was not personal. That might be a hard pill to swallow for 17- and 18-year-olds, but if you can get them to see that the rejection has no bearing on who they are on a personal level and what they're capable of achieving, it can hopefully ease the pain, at least a little.
While trying to console a student, it's also important that you enable them to see the forest and not just the trees; that is, keep them excited about their education. Talk up the schools they did get into and help them to concentrate on their overall college experience instead of fixating on just one school.
No matter how you slice it, rejection is an uphill battle. There are no shades of gray and in the end, there's only so much you can do. It's ultimately up to the student to come to terms with the rejection and move on to selecting the college they will attend.
Give Financial Guidance
Not being able to afford a college can sometimes be more devastating than rejection, but when affordability is in question, there are a few options students and their families can explore.
Ideally, a family should take affordability into account at the time the student applies, not when an acceptance letter is received, to avoid this kind of dilemma. Remind them of their expectations when they submitted their application and that all parties involved knew (or at least, should have known) this was going to be an issue when the application was submitted.
But sometimes no amount of planning can prepare a family for the complexities of college financing. Should a student attend their fourth-choice college simply because they got a free ride? What if a divorced parent will only help fund one particular college? These are tough situations, and ultimately, how they are resolved will have to come from students and their families. The best you can do as an educator is to show them the benefits and drawbacks of each option.
With that said, a little creativity can sometimes remove financial barriers. Remind students and their families that schools have the power of professional judgment, where a financial aid package can be changed under special circumstances. If families take this route, advise them that approaching school officials with a cooperative attitude rather than a confrontational one will help their cause.
Other options include working part-time jobs; selling a home or other property to raise more money; reaching out to extended family and/or applying for additional outside scholarships to get the extra funding that's needed.
You might also want to suggest that the family look into private loans to supplement any shortfalls, if no additional federal aid is available. However, make sure you explain exactly how private loans work and the risks involved when compared to the Federal Loan program, especially in the current student loan environment.
None of these choices should be made lightly. While you may personally believe that a student would be better off in the long run at one school over another, remember that you don't know the family's financial situation and that if you make any sort of recommendation, that you must also stress how important it is that the final decision be made in the best interest of the student and the student's family.
Consider the Wait List
Students who wind up on a wait list have one immediate choice to make: stay on the wait list or ask to be removed.
A few different factors may influence this decision. For example, let students know they can petition the school and ask about their rank on the wait list. If the school does not release this information, they can ask for statistics to get a sense of how many students were accepted from the wait list in previous years. If the number is large, it may be in that student's interest to keep his or her name on the list; if the number is small, that may be an incentive to withdraw.
The student can also contact the school directly and have a conversation with the admissions office. Speaking with someone from the school may give them a sense of where they stand. It's important that the student call and not you, or someone from the family. If a college is going to admit a student from the wait list, most likely it will be someone who shows initiative and a real desire to attend.
If the decision is made to stay on the wait list, there are several more things that student can do: return any paperwork required by the college to keep their name on the wait list and attach a supplementary letter telling the school how much they want to attend and why, citing their current situation and other specific reasons. Now is the time for the student to creatively draw positive attention to their application and show why they're a good fit for the school. If the student receives additional accolades during the wait-list process, they can submit that information to the admissions office for consideration.
What students and their families should not do is call or write too often. Admissions offices are generally swamped as it is, and sending multiple emails per month will do nothing more than dilute the student's message and perhaps even annoy the admissions office. The student should state his or her case and then maybe send an update when there is something new to report. But badgering the admissions office will not help their chances to gain admission.
Finally, the best thing you can do as an educator is to help manage the student's expectations. There are no guarantees when it comes to wait lists, and if a student puts all of their eggs into the wait-list basket, they're risking possible disappointment. Urge them to send in deposits to secure a place at second- and even third-choice schools (however, remind them that these deposits are often non-refundable). Help them see that they will be able to enjoy life at another college and that even if they don't manage to get off the wait list, life will go on.
No Acceptance
Whether mediocre grades clouded the student's transcripts or the safety schools weren't safe enough, it's possible that some students will not receive a single acceptance letter. If this happens, remind them that higher education is by no means out of their reach. They can attend a community college to fulfill their core requirements and then apply to a new list of schools next fall as a transfer student.
Another option is for the student to take a gap year and apply again next fall. If a student decides to take this route, show the student how they can make productive use of their time and how they might be able to use those accomplishments when applying again next term.
Also, help them to examine why no acceptance letters came through. If they applied to Harvard and their safety schools were Yale and Princeton, they may need help on how to accurately match their academic abilities to the schools they wish to attend.
Keep Everything in Perspective
For many students, not getting into their top-choice school is a source of frustration and fear; emotions and stress levels can run at a fever pitch. The challenge for educators is to keep students (and their families) grounded and to remind them that the college planning process isn’t about getting into a certain college; it's about obtaining a great education.
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