The holiday season can be a strange time for college students. While it can be refreshing to sleep in your old bed, devour some home cooking, and wash some laundry, some things do change over time. It's not always easy to sleep under your parent's roof in a neighborhood where everyone still sees you as a kid - even though you've clearly achieved independent living status.
Then there's your not-so-favorite uncle with his incessant questions about your major. And let's not forget your old best friend who points out - with disappointment - how much you've changed.
Going home for the holiday doesn't have to be stressful. You just need some strategies for handling confrontations with the maturity that you want everyone to recognize.
"You're probably not going to emulate a Norman Rockwell painting at holiday time. If you're lucky, you'll look like Homer Simpson and his family, and not the South Park gang," says advice columnist April Masini of AskApril.com. "If you expect smooth sailing, you're going to be disappointed."
Head 'em off at the pass
Tamra Orr, author of America's Best Colleges for B Students, suggests putting the kibosh on conflicts before you ever step foot back in your hometown.
"If your friends and family can be gently reminded, maybe with a pre-visit letter or e-mail, that you have been really growing up since you went to college, this will help," Orr says.
"It also helps if you remember that while you've been experiencing an all new type of life at college, your friends and family haven't changed a bit, and are just as nice as when you left."
What's your major?
They may be just as nice, but they may also be more curious than ever.
Masini says if your family is anxious that you haven't declared a major (or insinuate you are goofing off on campus) you can set some boundaries that will stop the inquisition.
When your uncle asks you what your major is, you could simply say, "I'm going to decide next semester." Or you might answer, "I'm exploring my options." You might even add a touch of humor and joke, "Right now, my major is Life and my minor is Campus Culture."
These are polite ways to put off the question for at least a few more months. And remember, people are only asking you about your major because they care. The key is to not take it personally or become offended.
Re-connect by listening
The next face-off is with high school friends who may be looking for the "old Jane" or the "old John." You can't be someone you are not, but Gunner Fox, author of Kick Ass in College, says it's important to be sensitive to your old friends.
"Being a good listener rather than immediately launching into your laundry list of exciting new friends and interests is a good way to reach out and show old friends they matter to you," Fox says.
"Then treat yourselves to a movie or a meal at a favorite restaurant to re-establish familiar friendship cadences. Before you know it, they will tell you that it feels as though you were never gone at all."
Lessons from the movies
Dr. Maria Grace, a psychologist and author of Reel Fulfillment: A 12-Step Plan for Transforming Your Life Through Movies, suggests every college student should watch "Garden State" before returning home for the holidays because it offers insights into common challenges college kids face in these situations.
"The most important thing is to be prepared," Grace says. "Make a list of the 10 worst questions that you expect people to ask you and write down the answers. When you are prepared for the worst, the worst never happens."
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