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Dealing with the Quarter-Life Crisis
Don't rush into college life after college too quickly--check out how to get an internship after college and part time job ideas.
By Peter Vogt, MonsterTRAK Career Coach
June 02, 2009
When high school pals Alexandra Robbins, 25, and Abby Wilner, 25, got together over lunch several years ago to catch up on their lives after college, they were both ready to tell some glowing stories about how well they were doing.
“At first, we both said we were having a great time,” recalls Robbins, an English and American studies double major in college, now working in the New Yorker magazine’s Washington, DC, bureau. But before the conversation went much further, the fronts that 20-somethings often put up vanished. Both women admitted they were feeling unhappy, confused and somewhat adrift.
“Then we started seeing that many of our friends were feeling the same way,” Robbins says. “And there weren’t really any resources to help us deal with what we were going through.”
So Robbins and Wilner decided to create one themselves. The result, based on their own experiences and several hundred interviews with fellow 20-somethings who graduated from college in the past few years, is their book, Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your 20s.
When you interview more than 200 of your peers, you inevitably learn a few things you’d like to pass along to others. For Robbins and Wilner, their book and its accompanying Web site are vehicles for doing just that. They also welcomed the opportunity to offer career and personal advice here — particularly for those in the middle of a confusing, demoralizing quarterlife crisis.
Here are a few of Robbins and Wilner’s recommendations:
Don’t Have a Career Plan? Don’t Worry
You don’t need to freak out if you have no idea what you want to do with your life, stresses Wilner, a Web administrator in Washington, DC, who majored in psychology in college. “I temped and got a taste of various fields and companies out there before I settled into my first permanent job,” she says. “So don’t let those external pressures get to you, don’t think that all those people with plans have everything figured out, and don’t think of it all as some kind of race and that other people are ahead of you. We all backtrack at some point as we make shifts in our plans. That’s just the way it is.”
Separate a Job’s Meaning from Its Trappings
“Forget about how much money a job will pay you, forget about societal prestige, and forget about what your parents and friends think about your job,” says Robbins. “You have to figure out what’s meaningful to you in your career and what will warm your heart and make you want to jump out of bed each morning.”
Case in point: Three weeks after Robbins graduated from Yale University, she took the first job offer she got after being, “completely seduced by the trappings. The pay was wonderful, I liked the people, I had my own office with a door, and my commute was only 15 minutes.”
There was only one problem: “The work sucked,” she deadpans.
Robbins lasted for eight months but was miserable the whole time. Don’t make the same mistake, she stresses.
Scared, Lost or Clueless About Your Career? You’re Normal
Maybe you’re questioning yourself and your place in this world more than ever. Maybe you’re barraging yourself with intense self-interrogation, as Robbins puts it. Maybe you’re filled with anxiety and fear. And maybe you believe you’re the only 20-something who feels so confused.
You’re not, Wilner emphasizes. “One thing I honestly wish is that I had done the research for this book even earlier, because that in itself helped me tremendously,” she says. “Listening to everyone’s experiences, anxieties, thoughts, fears, hopes and dreams…so much like my own. Who knew?”
It took Robbins and Wilner hundreds of hours and conversations with their peers to learn that they — and their peers — were normal. You are too.
“If I had known back then what I know now, I wouldn’t have beaten myself to a mental pulp so frequently,” Robbins says. So neither should you.
jlcamarena
10 months ago
Glad I'm not the only one.
gcollins83
over 1 year ago
What was the point in taking out loans again? Had I known trade school would have prepared me for a better career than "office assistant" at a clinic after 4 years of school and a degree in microbiology I would have told the school counselors where to put the Sallie Mae form! For the rest of you ready to graduate, the exchange rate in Japan is amazing right now. Go teach English and make $20 an hour with no real costs except rent and Karaoke.
As for myself I've bounced a bit, I spent some time in Japan and hit my first quarter-life crisis. I rushed back home to my old job in college and promptly got stuck with no room for advancement. After leaving (again) for New York to go work for a big celebrity photographer and learning first hand what a starving artist is, I've become a bit jaded with life. Is all we're supposed to do is get swept away into giant student loans in order to make the rich richer? All the while we grind away for 20 years in hopes of buying a house and making a dent in those loans. Do I give up and accept my fate? Work hard at a crappy job hoping for a meager raise in an industry I despise? Become an entrepreneur (again)? Or leave this stupid country and it's extorting schools for greener pastures abroad? Help?
KristjanaA
over 1 year ago
Scared, demoralized, hopeless...OMG, that sounds just like me, the "unemployed college grad." Overqualified & underexperienced & all over the map at the same time.
Though I am older as others have commented (30), I have a Bachelors (in American Studies nonetheless :P ) and then some in the education department. I also got "mommy tracked" and then "the recession" hit as I returned to the job market ....as everyone who tries to console me says (argh...).
Doesn't matter, I feel totally lost. Its hard to think of whats "meaningful" when you feel like you are turning into some bitter lost soul who just wants to feed their kid---what was all those years of hard work at school for? OMG *&^%^%* student loans to payback (with what money) ?! Feeling like a "loser" (for lack of a better word) for not having a master plan since high school?! Anyone with me on this?
I want to read this to know others feel the same way- I hope I can relate even though I am older and a parent.
What "resources" does it offer? Anyone know?
BetsaidaR
almost 2 years ago
Yaay! I am not the only one!
BrandiC286
almost 2 years ago
kennedykyle, obviously you're perfect.
AlessandraM20
about 2 years ago
This depression doesn't appy just to 20 somethings. I just turned 30, I highly dislike my job, but it's not horrible enough for me to want to leave. I have greater plans for the next couple of years. I'm just sticking to it just to catch up on bills before returning to school for my true passion: Art. I majored in Art and double minored in Psychology and Pre-medicine. After all this years the only shelter that I have to hide from the tremendous vortex of the real world is still Painting. I read this book when I first finished my BA 4 years ago. It helped a bit, but right now I'm reading other books on how to find direction and make my dream of becoming a self-sufficient artist true. It's going to take time, but anything that is worthed does. Don't get discoraged, keep dreaming and keep networking and finding out how to do things. Learning is infinitely helpful.
Two good reads that are applicable to anyone are these: "What Color is your Parachute?" and "48 Days to the Work you Love"
cama2ro4
about 2 years ago
For JACQUELINEG106-
I graduated with an Anthropology degree last year and although I moved forth with a master's degree, there is plenty to do with a bachelor's. You have a major in Spanish as well and you should check into the local health departments. Usually health departments will hire anthropologists to work with patients stricken with incurable diseases, such as AIDS. As anthropologists we are trained to be sensitive to issues, which helps deal with certain situations. Plus I think your Spanish degree would be useful in interacting with non-English speaking residents. I hope that helps!
JacquelineG106
about 2 years ago
I am graduating in a week and i dont know what i am going to do there is so much expected of me and i am stressed. i double majored in spanish and anthro and am so stressed. I dont know what i am going to do. i am going to have to buy that book
SheenaG8
about 2 years ago
thank you..... 25 here, too & completely depressed, killing myself for not having a plan, or having kind-of-one and not sticking to it. Trying to do everything at once so I don't miss out on anything. A total wreck and saw your book the other day- I think this review is the tipping point. Going to have to make that purchase.
JananieA
about 2 years ago
I am miserable about where my life s heading and i am only 25! Misery loves company, i am so glad I am not alone on this feeling. wonder when this book will reach Singapore.
ChristinaP1113
about 2 years ago
I felt this way initially because I am graudating in 3 weeks, but then I realized the world is not going to end if I do not IMMEDIATELY begin my dream career...I realize that any step I take will be one step closer, even if I change my mind down the road. I also think people are too "in their heads" with everything and actually need to write down their likes dislikes, deal breakers concerning jobs, where they would like to be in a month, 2 months, and anything you think would be important for choosing the next job, career, school, or decision so you have it in writing and are not constantly trying to work things out in your head. Putting stuff in writing helped me decide what my next move was, and calmed down my fears of not immediately fallling into the perfect position...then I finally realized I had
magarrett
about 2 years ago
I am 21 and I graduated college early to go back to community college to study music. Now I am feeling SO LOST! I don't know if music is the right path, but my UCLA degree isn't where I want to go either. I have my BA in comparative literature. I am so confused, lost, aimless. I am usually a go-getter so these feelings are so new to me. For the first time I am missing class all the time, and I just want to lay in bed, go to the gym, and listen to my ipod, and knit. I got to get this book. I feel like I need something new in my life, some direction and to take a chance on something new. I am ordering this book now
TorriaB2
about 2 years ago
I may have to get this book. I'm 23 and feeling stressed out about this stuff -- mostly because my parents are acting like I need to have my full career laid out right now. I've been trying, but its hard!!! I finished college a year ago and I'm currently finishing a certificate program at the end of this month... and I know when I come back home they will be asking me what's next... as is, I've got to worry about my student loans going into repayment (one is currently)... ugh.
ZacharyF356
about 2 years ago
Everyone feels this way because they forget that is you who defines your life and gives it value. If you're doing something you don't value, you'll get no benefit from it no matter how many other people value it. Passion is all you can have in life.
josephcannizzaro
about 2 years ago
Here is my take.....
First - I believe this "phenomena" is not only a 20 something issue. I can tell you first hand that this is happening to various generations of students/professionals. This is due to the fact that this world is changing so quickly on a daily basis that we have to constantly reinvent ourselves to remain current in our job weather we like it or not. The progression of education is changing, the working environment is requiring a new "revised" set of abilities, and we are faced with the constant reality of upgrading or evening changing what we originally set out to achieve. This is and has become the norm. What does this mean? If you have to go and further your education - just do it. If you want to try and change your field of expertise or channel your current experiences into something more rewarding - one must make a change. We all know that change is difficult but, it can ultimately make the difference at the end of the day knowing and feeling that you are working at a job that perhaps may have been an unconventional choice at first. If it makes a difference in terms of achieving - or reaching a level of happiness that was not present in your previous career, why should you "fuse" over making that shift in your career? It really should be a simple choice - even though making that choice can be the most daunting task you will be faced with.